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I guess.

[But now she's fidgeting. Sure, he thinks he likes her. But that's because he doesn't know her well enough. Is there a point of going through the whole production? He can like her fine, but that doesn't mean she's any good at being liked.]

You shouldn't, though. I'm not --

It won't be good for you.

[He doesn't quite get the implications of that. She's just being polite, isn't she? Because it's easier to say that it wouldn't be good for him than to admit she doesn't like him the same way.

He grimaces a little, the answer sobering enough to give his face a chance to cool down.]

Not good for me.

[He sounds uncertain as he echoes her-- and disheartened. He hadn't prepared himself for an answer like that when he'd pushed himself to go out on a limb. Maybe he should have.]

I get it. It's okay, you don't gotta... be gentle.

[He clenches one hand into a fist at his side. He's always been scared shitless of being rejected, but he has to handle it differently this time. He can't let himself get angry and push her away, because she's still his friend. Gotta take it like a man.]

It's okay if-- you don't like me.

[Of course that's not what the problem is. Isn't it obvious what the problem is? How can anyone think she's even worth the time?]

Are you kidding me? I don't know how to be gentle. Look, I'll tell you how this is gonna go down. You say you like me, I say I like you too, then we start dating and I'm horrible to you and you put up with it because you're a nice guy who won't want to hurt my feelings by breaking up with me even though you're miserable.

It's me. If I like you, I'm just gonna want to punch your stupid beautiful face and I like you too much to see you let me.

So we can't.

[She holds the doll tighter, enough that she imagines the stuffing will probably squirt out soon. Because she's a ruiner. She ruins everything good.]

[He struggles to grasp the meaning of all that. Part of him feels like he can relate, because he'd spent years pushing people away that he would have liked otherwise, even just as friends. It was easier to make them believe he was awful and somebody they shouldn't get close to than to let someone in and give them the chance to hurt him for real.

At least if they ran away because they thought he was a jerk, the sting of it faded pretty quickly over time. When he let people in and they left because of who he actually was? That never got easier, so he'd stopped letting it happen.

He frowns as he tries to apply that same logic to this situation, shaking his head.]

Why d'you think that's how things are gonna go? You've got a choice when it comes to how you treat people.

[And maybe it doesn't feel that way. It never does, when you're scared. It's so much easier to tell yourself that this is just the way things are, pretend you have no control over it.]

I mean, I know I ain't exactly a prize, but if you like someone, what makes you think you're gonna be bad to 'em?

Because that's how it is. You want Maya Hart? That's her. She's just some broken kid who comes from a broken life and couldn't spot a healthy relationship if there was one standing close enough to spit on her.

I don't get to have happy endings, Kanji. I accepted that a long time ago.

What's stoppin' you from changing?

[This is no longer just about whether or not she likes him, too. It's bigger than that, because what she's talking about? It applies to a hell of a lot more than just him.]

You don't gotta stand still. Yeah, if you keep tellin' yourself nothin' good is ever gonna happen, then maybe it won't. If you're that sure of it, of course it ain't gonna turn out differently, 'cause you're not gonna let it. But if you already know that's what you do, how you treat people?

[His frown pulls a little deeper, brow furrowed as he reaches out and puts one hand on her shoulder, tentative.]

Knowin' that is the first step to doing something about it. And you don't gotta do it alone. You should know that, bet Riley's told you the same thing. You got friends to help point you in the right direction when you need it. That's what Souji-senpai does for me. Keeps me from breakin' everything I touch.

[She looks at the hand on her shoulder, but doesn't move to push it away. It can stay there, for now.]

And what happens when I mess up and hurt you?

[There's no "if" about it, self-awareness or not.]

[He considers that for a moment, then shrugs.]

Then we talk about it. I mess up all the time. Doesn't mean I just stop tryin' to be who I wanna be. When that happens, you try again. The people who matter will understand and forgive you.

[He smiles again, finally. It's small and lopsided, but it's there.]

I'm pretty tough. But so are you. And you know, you're not the only one who might mess things up. Not like I know what I'm doing. If I do somethin' dumb, you gotta tell me so I can make it right. I'd do the same for you.

[She stays still then, watching his hand and the subtle movements of his fingertips to avoid looking at his face.]

If Riley likes you too, you go with her, understand? She'll treat you better.

[And they can't have another triangle. There's no way.]

[That doesn't even register for a moment, and he has to really think about it to get what she means.

If Riley--?]

What are you talkin' about? Riley an' I are friends, but it's different.

[In a lot of ways, the two of them are actually a lot alike, even if Kanji is much more rough around the edges. They both care more about people than they know how to handle sometimes.]

I-- I like you.

[He thought that part was pretty clear.]

There's this guy, where we're from. He's a lot like you in a lot of ways... Big, and nice. And kind of tough but trying to get better. And I liked him. ....But Riley liked him too. So I made sure Riley had him. But then he liked us both, and. It doesn't work. I'm not good at sharing.

Or dating.

Or a bunch of other stuff.

[And he just finished saying that he likes her. But she doesn't dare trust that it's true. How could anyone pick her when Riley's right there? Riley's perfect. Riley's important and precious.]

I'm not good at any of that, either. Never even been on a date, really.

[Or even managed to hold hands. Teaching Naoto to ski was the closest he'd come to any of that, but catching her when she fell wasn't the same as consciously reaching out. He hadn't been ready yet-- any they were both shy.

"Shy" probably isn't even in Maya's vocabulary.]

An' maybe I'm kinda like that guy, but I'm not him. I'm me. And I like Riley a lot, but she's my friend. It's not gonna be the same as it was that time.

I guess we can try.

If you want to.

[She doesn't move to adjust their positions, though. There's still physical distance between them, which she isn't about to attempt closing on her own.]

No hard feelings when you change your mind.

[He's not sure if he should take his hand back, or if he should move closer. His lack of experience means that 'trying' is going to be a lot of trial and error. Was it like that for everyone?]

I ain't gonna change it.

[He does let his hand drop away, but he looks down at his feet as he shuffles a nervous half-step forward, his face starting to flush again.]

I dunno how to do any of this. But I wanna figure it out with you.

[As he pulls his hand away, she catches it, pressing her palm against his and threading their fingers together.]

You start with this. And then feel it out from there.

[His eyes widen slightly, surprised, but he lets their fingers entwine a little more tightly, allowing himself to be comfortable with it.

He can do this.]

That's not so hard.

[They got this.]

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